Things are changing, and change is generally good. I get my keys to my new apartment on Thursday, and Jake and I start to move in over the next month. In this process, things will get boxed, stuffed, driven, moved around, maybe lost and maybe found. Then we’ll make a new home in a new place that has two more rooms (a dining room and a second bedroom) for Miss Leia to run around in. I’ll have a room that serves as my office, and I’ll continue to run my own business out of another apartment.
Since graduating, I’ve been going through a phase where I don’t know who I am, what I like, who I want to be or what I want to do. A quarter-life crisis fueled by a signed piece of paper with my University’s seal on it. Now that I don’t have a degree to struggle towards, what is my next goal? What is my next Everest?
The thing is that I have no idea. And things keep changing.
Maybe I want to be a photographer. Maybe I want to be a teacher. Maybe I want to be a math tutor. Maybe I want to be a starving artist. Maybe I want to raise a family. Maybe I’ll adpot kids someday in an attempt to try to decrease world suck. Maybe I’ll become a chef. Maybe I’ll write a book. Maybe I’ll sell all my worldly possessions and go to a isolated island in the middle of the Pacific to make a new life. (Just kidding about the last one… maybe?)
I just don’t know right now, but I know that things keep changing because they can’t stay the way they are right now. I have bills to pay and a soul to fulfill. Writing on my blog and papercrafting makes me so happy some times, but I don’t know if I want it to be my job. I find myself wishing I could go back to the days when papercrafting wasn’t my job; when I didn’t feel the need to post every other day, and when I didn’t have a responsibility to anyone but myself.
But things are changing, and I’m working to accept that. I’m so imperfect and so hard on myself – two things that are hard together. I’ve made mistakes. I’ll make more. All I can hope is that I learn from each one and surround myself with people who love me in spite of my imperfections, because I already love them in spite of theirs.
I’m meeting with a career counselor today. I’m going camping this weekend with Jake’s (my other) family. I pet LeiaPants and tell her how pretty she is. I write my thoughts and feelings down and try to make sense of everything.
Right now is just… changing.
Thanks for listening. I’ve been dealing with changes and move-y stuff, so I’m cutting out my time for a crazy awesome CHA blog post to write about my feelings. Ha! I want to share what I have planned, though, so everything will be back to normal tomorrow.
How do you deal with big life changes? How did you decide what you wanted to pursue after college? Maybe your story would help give me some direction – or at least commiseration. ;)
P.S. I’m also changing around a few things on my website. So if you run into any funky errors in the next couple of days, have no fear – I probably am in the process of fixing it. Thanks for your patience!
P.P.S. The vlog from Vegas Day Two is live here. I walk the show floor and take some pictures. Word on the street is that it’s all very exciting.